Got Crabs?

Ah, the first crisp days of fall. Refreshing brisk morning air. Brightly coloured leaves rustling underfoot. Glossy red crabapples adorning the lawn like jewels. I’ve got crabs.

I could use a bit of exercise, I think, having been sequestered too long behind a keyboard.

In thirty minutes, I fill a five-gallon bucket with ruby crabs, stooping and scooping and feeling invigorated for the exercise. They make a pretty layer in the composter.

The next day dawns and once again I gaze out at the newly fallen crabapple abundance. So beautiful, I think, and I’ll get another day’s much needed exercise.

An hour and two five-gallon pails later, I’m feeling pretty well exercised. I stretch my achy back, but man it feels good to get outdoors and get my quota of fresh air and exercise. Another fragrant layer gets added to the composter.

Day three dawns. I stare out the window and then up to the canopy of our beloved crabapple tree. That is one prolific tree, I think, gearing up for another day of crisp fall air and exercise.

It’s drizzling, but I trudge on. Ninety minutes later, I’ve filled four five-gallon pails and topped up a composter that could double for a six-person hot tub. I’m damp with sweat and my back’s threatening to pop a disc.

On day four, I wake to the sound of rain pummeling the steel roof. Or are those crabapples? I find myself holding out hope for enough rain to flood the lawn and float the tiny red orbs away.

But no such luck. I stare outside at a new thick mat of wet crabapples. Is birth control for crabapple trees a thing?

I don my raincoat and the gloves that still feel damp from yesterday, and trudge off to face the crabs. It looks like the tree has thrown up on the lawn. Why aren’t the birds eating these things? My back aches at the thought of all that stooping and wine o’clock is hours away.

Hands on hips, I stare down at the pail and the rake, the tools of my torture, and wonder if exercise is overrated.

And slowly an idea forms.

With renewed enthusiasm, I jog to the garage, grab an extension cord and my solution to the crabapple plague: the wet/dry shop vac.

Much to my amusement, it works!

(I have some exciting news on the writing front as well … but I have to keep it under my hat until next week.)

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