Humour Archives - Page 2 of 3

Playing Whack-A-Mole with a Trilogy

February 21, 2015 By JPMcLean 5 Comments

Every time I sit down to write this post, another trilogy mole pops up and I race off in search of my mallet. I’m playing Whack-a-Mole with a trilogy. Those “moles” are hidden in more cubby holes than I’d imagined, though I shouldn’t be surprised, after all, I put them there.

I’m referring to the “trilogy” descriptor I used liberally to describe The Gift books when they were, in fact, a trilogy. Now that the fourth book, The Gift: Penance (now titled Lethal Waters), is approaching the starting blocks, the terminology is decidedly inaccurate. Hence, I’ve started the process of switching out “trilogy” for “legacy.”

I thought about all the places I’d used “trilogy,” and made a list. There were the obvious spots, like this blog, the website and Goodreads. Then I looked at Twitter, Facebook and Google+. Mustn’t forget Wattpad and Library Thing. Oh, and LinkedIn.

Okay, I thought … I can do this.

Oops, forgot about my author page on Amazon, which sent me scurrying back to look at my author page on Goodreads. And wait, I’d made a note to change the wording in Facebook, but what about the header picture—that had to change. Do I even remember how to do that? Then I noticed the tagline in my email signature, which lead to the realization that my business cards are now outdated. Along with the posters I use at book signings. And the back-of-the-book blurbs.

Oh crap! Pretty much all of the promo material I’ve ever prepared has to be changed. This is going to take a lot longer than I thought.

I suppose the silver lining in all of this is that the Gift’s book information has spread as far and wide as it has. The not-so-silver lining is that I’ll be whacking moles for a long time yet.

With that in mind, I’d appreciate it if you’d tell me if you come across any of my “trilogy” lingo on your cyber travels. I just know I’m going to miss something. (Anyone who misses a fourth book sneaking into a trilogy is going to miss something—and it’ll probably be big.)

I’ve got a spare mallet. If you’d like to take a whack, and want to know what started this whole trilogy mess, you can get Secret Sky with one click right here. And if ebooks or Amazon aren’t your preference, other options are available under the Bookstore Tab.

Hammer Photo by Adam Sherez on Unsplash

It’s Not Over Yet

August 16, 2013 By JPMcLean Leave a Comment

View of West side of Hornby Island as seen from Denman Island — West Side of Hornby Island in the Summertime

Every year about this time, the tail end of summer, I hear a familiar lament, a harbinger of doom. All it takes are a few cool, drizzly days on the heels of endless weeks of hot sunshiny weather. The Ned Starks of the neighbourhood close their doors against the cool night breeze and whisper, “Winter is coming.”

Oh, good lord – really? Already? Yes, I know – the monsoons will be here, sure as gray hair and wrinkles, but let’s not rush them. There are plenty of warm sunny days still to come. They might even be hot enough to complain about!

I’m going to pretend I didn’t hear the “W” word and go sniff the bottle of sunscreen lotion. Maybe we’ll have a BBQ in the rain – just to keep the smells of summer in the air.

How do you keep a hold onto summer?

One of the ways to prolong summer is to pick up a late summer beach read. Get your copy of Secret Sky from Kindle with one click right here. And if kindle or ebooks aren’t your preference, click on the bookstore tab for other purchase options (or just click on the covers below).

Readers Beware!

May 23, 2013 By JPMcLean 2 Comments

Readers Beware!

I thought writing fiction took imagination; apparently reading fiction is imagination’s poker equivalent of, “I’ll see that bet and raise you.”

At least that’s the impression I get from the speculative feedback coming in from people who’ve read Awakening. Readers are buying chips, taking seats at the card table, and throwing all they’ve got into their bets.

A typical opening starts with… “I’ll bet that such-and-such happens,” or … “I bet so-and-so will do this.” And then they present a wild-ass twist that would never have crossed my mind. I don’t have a very good poker face and many times I’ve had to peel my eyebrows out of my hairline. I’m happy to say that some of these crazy suggestions are really good. Bent, but good.

It’s yet another reminder that once you publish your book, it’s not yours anymore.

So readers beware! I’m taking notes and names. What you say can and will be used in a future book.

Your favourite author is probably on-line. Go ahead—give them some crazy-ass feedback. They’ll love it.

What readers are saying about Secret Sky:

You can purchase all of my books through the Bookstore Tab.

Photo by Heather Gill on Unsplash

Impulse Purchase

May 8, 2013 By JPMcLean 3 Comments

Impulse Purchase

We were at Liquidation World* last week because we heard they had good prices on airless wheelbarrow tires. It seems our current wheelbarrow tire makes a better sprinkler than a tire (something to do with an excess of wild rose thorn holes).

I know you’re thinking well then, don’t you already have an airless tire? Indeed we do, but the variety my husband sought was sponge-like and wouldn’t ever leak again and require his attention.

Anyway, I digress.

While the husband checked out airless tires, I spotted a beautiful blue/green pot I thought would look nice on our front porch. (We don’t need a pot that would look nice on our front porch.) But it sported a neon SALE sticker and the blue/green colour went well with the new siding.

But there was no price on the pot. So with the husband otherwise occupied, I inquired as to the lovely blue/green pot’s, SALE price. While the clerk looked it up, I considered how much I’d pay for a blue/green pot we don’t need even if it does match the new siding.

Then the clerk said it was just $35.00.

Oh dear! Now I had a dilemma. Not only was the lovely blue/green pot (that we didn’t need) reasonably priced—some would say cheap, but the clerk informed me that it wasn’t just a lovely pot. It was a lovely pot that included a water feature; one of those numbers with the bamboo spout and a wee pump the size of your thumb. I imagined a tiny pond; something into which you could drop a lily pad or some other aquatic plant (which I know nothing about).

How could I resist? The husband didn’t even roll his eyes when I handed over the cash. He then trundled our new blue/green fountain pot—that we don’t need—out to the truck.

It’s now situated on the porch. It’s been washed, filled with water and, I’m happy to report, sounds just like a tiny babbling brook. I closed my eyes and smiled, picturing a forest creek with river rocks and overhanging boughs dripping moss…

And then it hits me…

Don’t we already have running water from October through April? Of course we do – we live in a rain forest. It rains a lot. In fact, isn’t that babbling brook of a pump reminiscent of the water that dribbles through our gutters and into our downspouts for most of the year?

What was I thinking? As I write this post, I can hear the water in the pretty blue/green pot babbling away. It sounds like someone is peeing on the porch. Forget the lily pad – I’m going to buy some soil and pot up something quiet and dry. A cactus appeals to me for some reason.

Do you have an impulse purchase you want to fess up to?

All of my books are available for purchase on the Bookstore Tab.

*Liquidation World has since closed 🙁